A Gift to myself

I was grateful that I had dancing to fall back on. It was my survival tactic. It was my friend. It was always there.

by Suzanne Farrell

After the Friday showing, I have been thinking for a few days. What's going wrong? Looking back those feedbacks, I still couldn't find out the answer...My mind was so confused...
Today I went into the the dance studio, a quiet place underground the Dana. I love that space, out of the world. Turning on my favourite music (Copied from Carol, I brought it with me to U.S.), I improvised for an hour. Feeling exhausted but getting a fresh moment for myself!I reviewed the video taken in the improvisation.
Surprisedly I saw the real self of my own! When did I lose it? Or I have just never been true to myself? Nevermind! I catch my soul again! Just from now!
Rock on!

Tear and water

是的, 是有一點點出錯了.. 可是卻說不出是什麼...
跑回家沖了一個熱水涼...拉開浴簾, 卻看見了自己紅腫的雙眼...
是的, 我坐在浴缸裡哭了很久很久...
可是一點也感覺不到滑下來的淚水...
已經很久很久沒有哭了...
我承諾自己要堅強一點...

If Art is all about Loving, Knowing and Doing..
Why I love it tenderly, know it deeply, but couldn't do it well?
Who is the one who says it as Good? If I'm the one, what could I do when I don't feel myself Good?
How much do I love it? What is the passion inside my heart? Where does the inspiration come from?
If it's all about the innate talent and creativity, what should I do if I feel they're not sufficient, or even not existed?Why would I choose to live such a life?
If it's because to make my own one more meaningful, delightful and valuable, why it is such a tough and harsh process?
If it's beause I want to live alive, why would it drive me crazy and feeling empty?
Why couldn't I find the answer at the time I'm making Art?
I know nothing other than keep doing, trying and falling.
Yes, I couldn't help myself falling in love with it.
Yes, please hold me tight, and love me as much as I do.

The last mail

今天終於在P.O.Box 裡收到了男朋友仔的 Mail了!
是的, 遲來了一個星期的V-Day禮物...
有什麼要緊?! 我的心裡仍然快樂得很..
這應該是最後一張您要寄給我的咭吧?!...
下一個要慶祝的日子是九月四日---
「四週年紀念日」
那個時候我已經回到您的身邊了..
那個時候我便能夠看見真實的您..
那個時候您會牽著我的手..
那個時候我會給您一個擁抱..

Un-knot

就繼續的躺下吧..
靜靜的等待..讓呼吸慢慢的流過..
直至聽得見心跳.. 震動了腦袋, 從脊骨到腳尖..
也許我真的想得太多了, 於是頭很重..
也許我太努力找著一個平衡點, 於是感覺不了重量..
那麼就由它晃動吧.. 由它滑過每個心結吧..
不要感到害怕...
只要繞著邊緣線一直的走, 最終也能回到原點的..
就讓腦袋用力的擺動吧... 就讓重量卸下來吧..
我的雙腳仍是很扎實....

Missing Miss.H

收到了朋友H 的email... 一個我好想念的朋友...
每次想起她, 腦中浮現的都是金鐘的Pacific Coffee, 然後是四樓的後樓梯, 更衣室的瓷盆...
雖然認真相處的時間不久, 可是卻有說不出的親切... 有些人一遇上, 就是注定夾得來吧... 愛人如是, 友人亦如是...
臨走的時候, 我把桌上的一張相貼了在她的鏡前, 希望我的幸運..能時刻的伴著她....
我的Handmade V-Card終於都平安到達男朋友仔的手上了...
雖然Valentine's Day已過去, 可是不要緊, 您永遠都是我的Valentine嘛...

Knot

腦在閉塞...
找不到出口...
我的身體不停的在搖動...
卻沒有了方向...
一定是思緒太混亂吧?!
於是手和腳都不聽使喚了...
那麼就躺下來...
歇一下好嗎?!

可是我的心仍在打結...
怎樣也安靜不來....

Valentine's Day

平淡的渡過了... 平淡得彷似沒有來過一樣...
已經是第四年, 我還是有著您... 可是不能伴在您旁, 感覺是多麼的奇怪...
那麼我們就把時間延遲一點點... 重逢那一天才是我們的二月十四, 好嗎?
我的最愛, 不要感到孤獨...
陰天晴天或下雨天, 我的心裡天天都有您... 雖然不快樂, 仍願您「情人節開心」...

Winter...still...

又是下雪天了...冬天還捨不得離開吧?!
她們都說Hollins 的春天很美的, 整個山岥都是一片的紅橙綠...
可是我期待著的, 其實是夏天哩..是的... 我還是比較喜歡黑蚊蚊的自己...
很想念那些躺在沙灘上的日子, 很想念那個在Bali渡過的兩周年...
回來後, 我們要再去一次, 好嗎?

今天是Lina's Birthday, 我做了一個 Tuna Salad到她的 B-Party...
靠近情人節, 她們的boyfriends都來了 Virginia, 今晚有很多人gathering哩... Lina + Kristin + Michael + Katie + Steve + Dawn + Eun + SaraBeth + Christine + John Jasperse
癲了一晚, 好累.................

Numbers

167日..4023小時..328320分鐘..
看著這堆數字, 感覺遙遠又相近...
是的, 已經228日了... 手心的溫度一早已減退...
可是您還記得曾經遊走過的每個街角嗎? 走過哪些地方會讓您想起了我? 想起了我們的什麼? 會讓您更孤獨了嗎?
這陣子, 空虛的感覺來襲, 特別的想您...
還是因為想您, 於是覺得特別的空虛? 其實都沒有什麼分別了嘛..
也許, 是因為知道您在想我, 於是我更想您吧...

and so it is, just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me...most of the time
and so it is, the shorter story, no love no glory no hero in her skies
i can't take my eyes off of you
and so it is, just like you said it should be. We'll both forget the breeze...most of the time
i can't take my eyes off of you
i can't take my mind off of you

Flapper

又開始排 Jenny's piece喇!
一隻關於美國 1920's 年代的舞---
"Flapper Women"
In the 1920s, flappers broke away from the Victorian image of womanhood.
They dropped the corset, chopped their hair, dropped layers of clothing, wore make-up, created the concept of dating, and became a sexual person.
They created what many consider the "new" or "modern" woman.
The flapper was the heroine of the Jazz Age. With short hair and a short skirt, with turned-down hose and powdered knees - the flapper must have seemed to her mother (the gentle Gibson girl of an earlier generation) like a rebel. No longer confined to home and tradition, the typical flapper was a young women who was often thought of as a little fast and maybe even a little brazen. Mostly, the flapper offended the older generation because she defied conventions of acceptable feminine behavior. The flapper was "modern." Traditionally, women's hair had always been worn long. The flapper wore it short, or bobbed. She used make-up (which she might well apply in public). And the flapper wore baggy dresses which often exposed her arms as well as her legs from the knees down. However, flappers did more than symbolize a revolution in fashion and mores - they embodied the modern spirit of the Jazz Age.

Rock on

Yeah! 三月去Wyoming! 一行廿多個人一齊去ACDFA, 可以上堂, 又可以睇show...
Hey Folks, Rock On...
今天Cancel了 Technique, 要簽 contact, 又要做 chore schedule... Critique也沒有很多人 showing, 整堂都在看web site... such Cool Videos!!
好興奮哇! 終於買了機票了....
(-8:00) 06年7月24日 6:30 a.m: North Caroline to Toronto
(-8:00) 06年7月24日 8:15 a.m: Toronto to Hong Kong
(+4:00) 06年7月24日 1:30 p.m: arrive Hong Kong
五個多月的日子會過得多快?!...

Body Strike

Spring Term 第一天已經要 SEAR 啦!!!

Stop Everything and Rest...
我的身體在與我抗衡...

究竟是什麼出錯了?
回家睡了幾個小時, 焗了一身汗又好多了... 只是還有少少頭痛..
反正在家沒事好做, 於是又走到Studio, 繼續work on 我的Thesis...

「Head」

I seek for the stability and mobility, also the connection of the head, spine and pelvis. A sense of gravity and up- lifting. The movement is mainly dealed with the active motion ( the weight of the four sutures ) and the passive one ( Jaw, eyes, nose, ears and mouth leading).

Luck for you

驟變的天氣, 怎麼忽然間又冷下來了? 幸好一顆心並不冰冷... 是的, 明天又是一個新的開始了, Beginning of Spring Term... 我知道, 春天就離我不遠了吧..
和朋友M說了一個下午, 已經很久沒有聯絡了... 在忙亂的她身上, 我看見了一年前的自己... 是這樣了吧?! 煩厭不安以後, 是掙扎與猶豫, 然後什麼都不用再選擇了... 那時候, 剩下的只有是等待...
Good Luck..My Dears...